Brittany (victorianight15) wrote in alonendepressed,
Brittany
victorianight15
alonendepressed

First timer...

I cannot ever stop feeling sad and lonely. I am thinking about telling my family about how I feel, but I'm not sure how they will react. I don't know what triggered it. I just hate myself all of the time and I have so much stress over everything and... I don't care about anything anymore. All of my friends think that I am pissed off at them or something which only makes things worse and worse. I can't stop feeling like if I died, all of my problems would just dissipate. I have thought about suicide so many times but I love my family and friends and don't know what I would do without them and what they would do without me. Am I too weak to even end all of my misery and solitude? I don't have anything that pleases or interests me. I play the cello and I used to adore playing all the time. Now its like I have to convince myself to be proactive and do something with my time. I hate it so much and if it's just me being a teenager then I hate it and just wanna grow up. I hate everything about my life. I hate my job, my school/work ethic, where I live all of it... I don't know how to tell anyone about my problem or how to fix it. I feel like I'm always sitting in a dark deep hole that is my life. If that's what life is like then hey, it shouldn't be too different from the grave right?
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