Novanglus (novanglus) wrote in alonendepressed,

"Lonely: A Memoir"

"I felt a certain dumbing down in the midst of my loneliness. I couldn't read as quickly or as well as I used to. I wasn't as imaginative. I said less. Without people around me, I began to feel as though I were taking up less space. I sometimes felt so ungrounded, so immaterial and unreal, that I thought I might just drift away....

"I changed. This was the hardest thing to accept – that I couldn't be lonely and remain myself. I became less spontaneous, less confident and secure. Interacting with others, I had to hide my feeling of marginalisation, and since marginalisation had come to define my life, I wound up hiding most of myself. I wanted to turn back into the former me, the connected me, but I couldn't find my way back. Loneliness seemed to have dropped me somewhere deserted, without compass or map or much hope of return."
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